Kitty Cries

Aron calls me Kitty. I love it. He said, 'Aww. I love you too, Kitty'. Then he left for a concert.

I love Jem. How she sang 'Just A Ride'. The lyrics have so much. And it's right. Its just a ride.

So anyway, the SPM results are gonna be out in a few days... 23rd March 2011. i can feel a sarcastic drum roll behind me. It gets quite depressing. And personally, disturbing.

Mum's forever with the chest pains. And so am i. Me and my regular muscle cramps and chest pains. i dont wanna tell anyone. I'd cry. I cry alot. Sometimes these little muscle cramps lead to chest pains myself. And God, they hurt an awful lot. I cant dance anymore. Not without suffering a hell load of exhaustion... I dropped today. Totally landed on my knees. Too much twirling. My heart was going to just take its plunge anytime. Then i stopped. I sat down and thought about what the fortune teller said.

Today was rather horrible. Contemplating between who i should be and who i REALLY am. Aunty Ivy came for a friendly visit. I'd hide. Too much comparison. The way mum is amused makes me wonder if i've ever made her proud like that. I mean, she was there at the drama last year. We won. And when i lost at the MC Talent Competition, she gave me a 'i-told-you-so' reply. Wish she knows what its like to walk in my shoes. Wish she knew what it was like to be hurt. Even if it was temporary.

That's why Eminems' Beautiful never fails to lift me up. Its about being who we are, isnt it? And to stop letting people tell us who or what to be? Danny faces the same thing. I'm glad i have him, actually. He sounded sincere when i told him whats been bothering me. Its amazing what a few friends can do for us. Really.

I'm afraid of what the future holds. Like, i feel i dont wanna stay around that long to witness the end. I wouldnt know if i'll actually survive. And i naturally dont wanna see others in pain. I'd like to be like Jesus sometimes. But i know, i'm just not strong enough. Fridays teach me that. At least for Lent. I need Easter.