The grim Reaper Hits Town

Mummy said today, Death comes like a thief. We never know when it comes, we're never ready. But the church calls us to be ready for the end. But how is that possible?

Uncle Vejayan Rajaretnam a.k.a. Cikgu passed away today. He's an awesome man, really.
One of Daddy's best friends ever. He's always worried about my studies. knowing i'm too cheery, bubbly, crazy... and i dont take education TOO seriously sometimes. He's been bugging to hear about my SPM results... But its ironic, he just 'left'. Maybe he'll see it from up there. He's definitely going to heaven, i know. He's never had kids, so he treats me like his child too. Then again, many people do that. But he was special to me too.

Aunty Rani bought me lunch today. KFC lunch set. Then Daddy spoilt half of it. 'Did you know Cikgu died today?' I choked. 'What?' then i burst out crying. I could tell Daddy was trying his best not to break down. So there's a chicken thigh stuffed in my mouth and i'm forcing myself to stop tearing. I shut up after that. Finished my lunch and told Daddy, 'I wanna go for the funeral.'
I cant.

He'll be taking a trip down to KL tomorrow. Just for a day. Then he'll get home. Maybe there he can see him for his last time. Then continue living like nothing happened. Grace told me, we most likely have to move on. He was so young. Don't understand why did he leave so fast. Cancer's a bitch. Someone should find a permanent cure.

Mummy and Daddy and I are in good terms again, i guess. At least, well, i dont know. Daddy had to talk to me cause of Cikgu. Mummy needed help. I thought so. While i still live with them, i might as well appreciate it.

Well, best songs to listen to right now?

Sailing - N'Sync
If I die Young - The Band Perry
Kiss The Rain - Billie Myers
Through The Rain - Mariah Carey

Oh no. GLEE hit me. I love this.

I'm done with Uncle Mike's resume. Bye, Uncle Mike. I remember when i was still little, i didnt let him leave. He's my favourite uncle. I'm 18 now. I still love him. But... maybe i'm not a child anymore. I used to be afraid people who leave me will never come back. Now i'm afraid they may never make it back. I mustnt think of things like these. I'm trying to be happy. Trying.

I spoke to Kristina after a long, long time yesterday. I'm reading her blog. She's hilarious. there's one about awkward moments. I can totally relate to. But i actually 'like' awkward moments. It's pretty. I think i want to cut my hair. Or maybe i dont.

I wonder if Uncle Vejayan will come in my dreams tonight. Maybe i can bid him my last goodbye? Maybe he knows the reason i'm acting different. I never expected to lose anyone so fast. This fast.

Thinking of losing someone reminds me of me losing Titan.


Losing Titan was a day trip to guilt-land and back. I was enjoying myself at Tokio Hotels' concert. When i came back on Sunday, he was still fine. When i came back from school on Monday, i cried in the car. Titan was put down. This picture was taken by Aryna. And it's the only picture we have of Titan. Titan's a king. But then, we got Pepsi. This 3rd of May will be Titans Death Anniversary and Pepsi's Rozario Family Anniversary. I'll celebrate it with a good meal for her, maybe.

For now, i MUST keep myself busy. Everything's so painful. Cause, SPM results are making me nervous like hell, i keep snapping at everything. I easily cry. Uncle Mike's going. I encouraged him, but i'm afraid now. Uncle Vejayan's gone. I'll never see him again. I've made a lot of mistakes now. I wont seal them. This is miserable. PMS is NOT helping. I want to make everyone proud. Hell, i have the world on my shoulders. My sexy 18-year-old shoulders. Jesus knows. Bah!